| look how pathetic i am.. |
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| 12:23pm 11/02/2005 |
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mood:  melancholy music: the handsome life of swing.
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bah this is so silly. he's been gone for two days and i already miss him like crazy.
i'm not letting him go away again.
i've also realised i have nothing to do at college when mike's not here, hence why i'm in here at lunch. plus i have to do sociology coursework, which bev has just attempted to help me with.
its still eight days till they get back.. i cant wait that long, i want him back now.
im so pathetic.
i love him, and i miss him. |
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| ..e.l.l.e...m.i.l.a.n.o.. |
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| 03:11pm 28/01/2005 |
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music: sunshine in happyland - elle milano
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..s.u.n.s.h.i.n.e..i.n..h.a.p.p.y.l.a.n.d..
...........................................
..the.televsion.ban..it.was.my.idea...
.wow.who.did.it..?
.who.done.it..?
.with.their.pants.down..
.tripping.over.tongues.'til.your.lungs.start.bleeding.
.i.can.snort.more.charlie.than.you..
.and.everyone.says.im.more.pretty.than.you...
.im.paralysed..
.no.more.lies..
.darling.its.in.your.eyes..
..its.in.your.eyes..*
sorry for being so silly earlier mike.
i'll tell you anything you want to know about me.
i know i probably know alot more about you than you do about me.
im just not used to telling someone everything.
theres things i dont like about my past..
you'll find i barely edited anything out of my entries though.
i love you.
xx |
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| here you go kieran...just for you..don't you feel special? |
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| 12:37am 23/07/2004 |
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mood:  recumbent music: the hives - untutored youth
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well here goes..christ its been ages since i updated this.
kierans making me do it..i owe him though, he made me see that the hives are truly great *score*
last few weeks have been cool, i made friends with the inthedark crew, and ended up getting together with scott :D
dammit his birthday is next week though, so i need to find a present..we've been invited to dinner with stef from strobe and his girlfriend next week..could be kind of weird.
woo going to lots of gigs next week:
monday 26th - stampin' ground
thursday 29th - divedive
friday 30th - million dead
saturday 31st - art brut
sunday 1st - guildford ambient - art brut, zero cipher (or zero zipher as they say on the flyer..), los albertos, hipslinky, pickled dick etc
should be lots of fun.
going to my grandma's for her birthday this weekend. it's going to be strange though, seeing as my uncle isn't going to be there..i havent really seen them since it happened.
saw reuben at the rock box a couple of weeks ago. they just get better..the album is fantastic, i cant get enough of it.
also sparta's new album is worth a listen, as is the hurt process. i borrowed the five track strobe45 ep too, and it is indeed amazing 'lightheaded, lightheaded, lightheaded..'
well, to sum up:
im rather content right now..meeting new people, gaining some good new music to listen to, meeting scott..im not going to talk about him constantly..just saying im happy with him right now.
off to guildford tomorrow to buy him some new trousers finally, then possibly winchester to go see itd in the evening. i have an end of work party too, which i may go to. i lost my bloody job too. which means no money soon. im just a compulsive spender.
right, im sure i'll update again soon, so take care everyone..xx |
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| 11:53pm 22/02/2004 |
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mood:  bitchy music: something by cave in
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a run down of my week -
nothing much till wednesday, went to whiteys and got rather inebriated. had a hangover too. went to dans on friday which was quite amusing at times. i didnt sleep - seemed to think if i didnt fall asleep i wouldnt wake up with a hangover, but it just kind of crept on. saw zero cipher in the evening on saturday which was sort of fun, but i still felt a little ill. went to dans afterwards and sat around watching tv for ages and writing messages to each other. then most of the others went home. i wish he wouldnt keep giving me those looks, it gets on my nerves and makes it awkward. and he's noticed as well, which made it even harder. i didnt want to stay at my own house seeing as all my family have gone, so me, dowie, and jim went back to jims at about half 5 in the morning. had lots of fun there and laughed lots. jims mum is cool too, we sat and had cigarettes and coffee with her in the morning. still feeling slightly ill, but im happier after last night.
it was too cold out tonight, and i had to walk home. joe wouldnt let me go until i'd hugged him for 15 minutes and he tried to come on to me..hmm fun fun. chainsmoked my way home after i left him and i listened to cave in *swoon* so if im so happy, why did i cry on the way home? and why did i sit down when i got in and cry out of frustration?
maybe sleep deprivation - in the past 62 hours, i've only slept 5 and a half, and that was only because i had someone there to hold me. it just felt good to be with someone again, just for a short time. i should be happy because things are going well. when i say well, i mean most things. its been about two weeks, i've had a pretty good holiday, had fun the past couple of days..but still, theres no change with my uncle. my mums away till thursday i think. depending on what happens. she said theres a big chance that he wont get better..
i dont feel the need to explain myself, stop getting stuck in the past, it wont do you any good. the only thing thats bothering me are the looks you keep giving me, and the stuff you say about me. what do you mean when you say, 'something horrible' could have happened at dans?
and did you tell dowie about it all? because he asked last night and it made it awkward. this is stupid.
this entry is very long. i apologise. just had stuff i wanted to write down.
xx |
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| 07:26pm 11/02/2004 |
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mood: lonely music: lostprophets - awkward
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fuck it. |
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| 10:15am 11/02/2004 |
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mood: indifferent music: deftones - when girls telephone boys
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this is getting to much.
yesterday it was 'help'.
today it's..well i dont know what it is.
i didnt want to talk to anyone last night.
i wasnt in the mood.
i dont know what to do, this is too much to handle.
i can't carry on for much longer.. |
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| 08:43pm 10/02/2004 |
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.get.out.of.my.mind.
.this.hurts. |
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| ~.animated.antics.~ |
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| 08:23pm 10/02/2004 |
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riding to the go, makes him hold on tight
ready to explode, chasing the Rolex time
HE SHOOTS - HE SCORES when everything in your eyes
carress is scratching back at you ask yourself
why you did not take this chance
to break away from the chains which hold you..DOWN
scratch this constant fever
sweat it out in spite smash the lasting moment
trying to find some inspiration
HE SHOOTS - HE SCORES...
...again you're playing reactions off one another
such a perfect plan
scorch the soul for immediate benefit, i bet you
in time - in time you will eat your words
HIS WAVING ARMS STEAL OUR ATTENTION
BEGGING HIS BROTHERS TO SHARE SOME BLOOD
TAKE MY ARMS...TAKE MY LEGS...
...I'LL ALWAYS HAVE ROCK & ROLL (SHARE SOME BLOOD)
kid, you could go far you have a talent for survival
stab, smight, slay, just to look alive
you're wielding knives and axes
through the air (beyond the bone)
don't stop telling yourself, you know how to relax
you look to me as though you're
falling apart at the seems
you look to me as though you're
struggling more with each scene
i prey too hard to heart
<3 hondo <3 |
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| 08:06pm 28/01/2004 |
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mood:  drained music: reuben - eating only apples
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*..one.for.the.money..*
//.two.for.the.show..//
~..three.grand.gone.on.the.weekends.coke..~ |
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| 07:21pm 06/01/2004 |
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how strange i have a livejournal.i doubt i'll update it much, but i'll try. now i'll have a proper place to put down my thoughts..i have officially given up drinking (well for now) after new year, as i acted like an idiot then and did some silly things. oh well its in the past now. and i've taken up a healthier attitude to life, healthy lifestyle, healthy thoughts..no more twisted mindframes. im hoping to make this a good year, get over stuff in the past, and sort out my head once and for all. |
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